Self Love

 Choosing yourself A journey to self love and acceptance

Photo by Mc James Gulles on Unsplash

All my life, I've struggled with this. Every single day, a battle rages within me.

Even though I'm surrounded by people who care for and love me, I can’t shake the feeling that something is missing within me something that could make me truly lovable. Whenever I've faced ambivalence, emotional distance, or someone's refusal to fully commit or be present, I've placed the blame squarely on my shoulders.

There must be something wrong with me, I tell myself. That’s why they‘re confused about me. There has to be a flaw in me for them not to treat me the way I think I should be treated.

Maybe I’m too needy. Too clingy. Too difficult to handle. Maybe I'm asking for too much, too soon. And so, I conclude: it’s my fault. It has to be my fault. I must have done something wrong to deserve to be treated this way.

So, what do I do? I work harder. I try to show them that I am worth loving. I shrink myself and hide my needs and my desires. I make myself invisible. I ask for nothing. If I don't demand anything, maybe they'll stay. Maybe they'll love me.

That's what happens when shame and self-hatred take root at your very core. When all your life you've felt the need to change yourself just to win approval when love becomes a constant struggle to prove you're worthy. I’ve erased who I am, again and again, thinking that would make someone love me.

But it's never enough.

Because the moment you erase yourself to please someone else, you lose. You become a fragile, insecure version of yourself, defined by others’ expectations. And soon, there’s nothing left to love just a shadow of who you once were, a prop in someone else’s life.

I learned to see love as a fight a desperate scramble for approval, for validation. To me, love was transforming someone's indifference into affection, trying to fix their confusion instead of walking away from what was never love in the first place.

I didn't know how to recognize that someone’s lack of love for me had nothing to do with me. I

thought I could change their mind by changing myself. But that's not love.

And it's okay if you've done the same. If you've let people treat you with disregard if you've allowed yourself to be tested, to be hurt. It feels embarrassing, it feels shameful. But I need you to own those moments when you abandoned yourself, not with guilt, but with compassion. I need you to shake off the shame you've been carrying because it doesn't belong to you.

I need you to forgive yourself. Because love is not something you have to work harder for. Love is not a prize you win by erasing yourself, It's not something you need to beg for or earn by making yourself smaller. Love is abundant, and it’s available to everyone including you.

When people hurt me, I made that pain my story. Whether it was my ex-husband‘s betrayal or the person who abandoned me, I told myself that their actions reflected my worth. | carried the weight of their choices as if they were my own mistakes. But how people treat you is not who you are.

Feeling loved is a journey. It’s about knowing who you are and standing firm in that, no matter what storms swirl around you. It’s about knowing when to stay and when to walk away. It’s about breaking your own heart, over and over, rather than staying in places where you don't feel loved.

It's about saying “No” to what doesn’t serve you.

I need you to rewrite your story. To see yourself as someone inherently worthy of love not because you've worked for it, but because you exist. That’s a journey between you and you, one that doesn’t require anyone else’s validation.

Even on the hard days, when everything inside you says otherwise, when the voices of those who let you down make you feel small, I need you to look at yourself as the living, breathing, deserving person you are. You have value. You are worthy of love.

Each time you choose yourself, you make room for love to find its way to you.

Accept yourself. Every messy, anxious, imperfect part of you. You are human. You are enough.

Stop punishing yourself for asking for more. For being more. For taking up space in this world that is rightfully yours. For wanting love, for dreaming of joy, for craving connection.

You belong here.

You deserve happiness. You deserve joy. And love love is already making its way to you. It’s

abundant. It's out there. And it’s yours.